Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you have accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Those words which were on the winners list are shown above.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The newly invented winners are on the list below:
Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Words are more important than realized. They express thoughts and feelings and have the power to do harm or make someone's day.
Too much creativity can stall a business. If an entrepreneur decided to promote a "Decafolon", who would understand?
The world is now a giant database where people want to find things just as they do in a library. Accuracy and realism are not only helpful but can also be the difference between business success and a flop.
Make up your own words. (I do.)
SMink = Smile and Think at the same time.
Don't be surprised if it takes a while to catch on. If it does catch on, you will own the market. If it doesn't, the world still spins but you will remain unknown. How many things started with a million? There is hope because everything started with one.
Here is to your good fortune and may your Sarchasms always be small.